Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 9 - 15, 2004
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PEOPLE
Jimmy Dean Fired by Jimmy Dean Pork Sausage
Company, saying it's “going in a different direction,” will sell product as James Dean Pork Sausage.
 
LAW
Litigants in Trial Of Plastic Surgeon Appear In Court
They are not expected to testify.
 
SPORTS
Patriots Fans Riot One Week
After Super Bowl

They're TiVo owners.
Lingerie Football League Planned
Thirty-two teams will play sixteen-game schedule, culminating in Orgy Bowl.
FEATURE
To make sure Justice Scalia would not be biased in Vice President Cheney's upcoming Supreme Court case, which of the following did Cheney NOT do for Scalia during their recent duck hunting vacation together?
A )Flew him to resort on Air Force Two.
B )Paid for his meals and lodging.
C )Bought him new hunting outfit and rifle.
D )Commissioned and produced musical extravaganza, "Hello, Antonin!"
 
MISCELLANEOUS
  Cubans Caught Trying to Sail
'59 Buick to U.S.

They planned to sell car to collectors, then swim back to Cuba.

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