Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 8 - 14, 2004
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POLITICS
Kerry Hopes to Tap Voter Anger
Aides studying data, devising strategies.
 
HIGH TECH
New Cellphone Software Creates False Background Sounds
You could be working late at the office while your wife thinks you're having group sex in a noisy bordello.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Stained Glass Portrait of Virgin Mary Draws Crowds in Florida
Many convinced it looks just like distorted reflection of nearby building.
TRENDS
See-Through Pay Toilets Catching On In London
People find them clean and comfortable, if a bit embarrassing.
 
SPORTS
FBI Investigates Pro Wrestling
Hopes to clean up the sport before it becomes more like boxing.
College Football: B.C.S.
Adds 5th Bowl Game

Will satisfy great public interest in seeing ninth-ranked team play tenth-ranked team.
 
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?
Jean-Bertrand Aristide
The former democratically elected president of Haiti now lives in the Central African republic known as the Central African Republic. He says he misses his days as the leader of a country, claiming he was "kidnapped" by U.S. special forces and forced to leave. He spends most of his time now doing crossword puzzles, and playing Scrabble with his wife, Mildred.

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