Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAR 29 - APR 4, 2004
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PEOPLE
NBC Orders More Shows From Donald Trump
In the works, "The Gofer," where each week The Donald tells a different kid from the deli: “You screwed up my order!”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
CBS Begins Search for
Next Martha Stewart

Looking for attractive, ambitious, anal-retentive control freaks.
Hollywood: Average Movie's
Cost Passes $100 Million

That's not including popcorn, soda, and parking.
 
TECHNOLOGY
NASA Unveils Experimental Mach 7 Skateboard
When operational, a sidewalk surfer will be able to cross the country in less than forty-five minutes.
SCIENCE
More Evidence Mars' Lifeless Landscape Once Was Vast Ocean Teeming with Life
Rover discovers sign: "These wetlands under the protection of the EPA."
 
Egypt Reveals Restored Sarcophagus of Pharaoh Ramses VI
Unleashes mummy's curse that will last 1000 years, say experts.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Bad News: You Wasted
Hundreds of Dollars Last
Year on Failed Diet Schemes

Good news: it's all tax deductible.
FDA Issues Mild Warning
About Tuna

Wants to balance health concerns of pregnant women with tuna industry executives' lavish lifestyle.

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