Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 3 - 9, 2004
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PEOPLE
Actor Who Plays "Big Bird" is Commencement Speaker at Villanova
He will talk about the letter "V".
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Health Crisis Means No New Porn Flicks
Fans will have to make do with the current catalog of 23 billion sex films.
Mel Gibson Shopping The Passion of The Christ to TV Networks
So far he's received one firm offer, from the Torture Channel.
 
BUSINESS
ChevronTexaco Profits Up 33%
Analysts credit less frequent replacement of squeegees, smaller paper towels.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Consumer Products
Safety Commission Warns Parents About Toy Batmobile

Agency says toy “advocates a homosexual lifestyle.”
SCIENCE
Research Indicates Empathy May
Not Be a Uniquely Human Trait

In fact, humans may not possess it at all.
Study: Women Marry Men
Who Look Like Dad

And, in some states, they marry Dad.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Boys At Least Twice as Likely as Girls to Suffer from Dyslexia
Says latest dusty.
Study: Only 40% of Doctors Advised Their Obese Patients to Lose Weight
Other 60% advised them to wear loose-fitting clothes, dark colors, vertical stripes.
 
Answer to Last Week's Trivia Question About America's Newest Best Friend:
    C)  Lockerbie, Scotland, 1988
 
ENVIRONMENT
EPA to Delay New Power Plant Emission Rules to Gather Further Comment
From those still breathing.
U.S. Rules Change to Count Farm-Raised Fish Weakens Salmon Protection
EPA will also count goldfish in stores, home tanks, and crackers.

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