Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 10 - 16, 2004
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POLITICS
Don King Joins Bush Campaign
Will help Supreme Court fix next election.
Gaining No Ground on Bush, Kerry Changes Tactics
He now says he lied about his military record, failed in business, and got bailed out by his fatherís rich pals.
 
AUTOMOTIVE
Many States Raising Highway
Speed Limits

Trying to reduce runaway population growth.
Study: BMW Drivers Have
More Sex

And pay more for it.
 
SPORTS
Baseball Cancels Plan to Place Movie Ad on Bases
But ad space on bats, balls, jockstraps, nostrils, spit still available.
FOOD
McDonald's Adult Happy Meals Introduced
Include burger, fries, drink, and choice of hash brownie or Jello shot.
 
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY
OF THE WEEK
 
Where:   Environmental Protection Agency
What:  Air Quality Modeling Expert
Qualifications:   At least 10 years experience as regular church member and 3 years service in the energy producing industry required, some familiarity with science, computer modeling a plus, but not necessary.
 
ODDS AND ENDS
Shadow President Delivers Commencement Address
Advises graduating class of Penumbra College to “wear sunscreen.”

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