Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – MAY 31 - JUNE 6, 2004
page three

ENTERTAINMENT
Madonna Kicks Off “Hot Flashes” Tour
She'll perform fifty concerts in cities throughout Florida and Arizona.
Cameras Rolling Again in California's Adult Film Industry
Month-long shutdown costs state an estimated $140 billion.
 
CONSUMER CORNER
Toy Safety Council Announces Latest Recalls
If you have any of the following, return them to the store at once:
Baby's First Bungee Cord
(Supplied cord different color than one shown on box.)
Scooby-Doo Scuba Diving Fun
(Depth chart in meters instead of feet.)
“Day After Tomorrow” Disaster Kit
(Two-week wait for replacement dry ice.)
Build Your Own Guillotine!
(Instructions in French.)
Atomic Bomb, Jr.
(Only one pair of sunglasses provided to view blast.)
SCIENCE
World's Oldest University
Unearthed in Egypt

Among the artifacts: world's oldest beer can.
French Scientists Say Cosmos Looks Like Gigantic Eiffel Tower
Replaces previous French model of cosmos as immense croissant.
 
EDUCATION
Only 63% of College Students Graduate
Other 47% drop out due to weak math skills.
 
LIFESTYLE
World Record Established for Most Naked People to Ride On Roller Coaster
Same group later breaks world record for most naked people to throw up all over each other.
 
CORRECTION
  We mistakenly reported that human tests on pesticides would be conducted on top officials of the EPA. In fact, human tests on pesticides will be conducted by top officials of the EPA, not on the officials. The tests will be conducted on paid volunteers, who need the money.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2004 Ironic Times