Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 7 - 13, 2004
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PEOPLE
Clinton's Comprehensive 992-Page Memoir in Stores Soon
Most who purchase it will immediately turn to index and look up "Lewinsky."
ENTERTAINMENT
TV: National Spelling Bee
Draws High Ratings

Networks notice, order “Celebrity Spelling Bee,” “Who Wants to Be Donald Trump's Spell-Checker,” and “I'm a Good Speller, Get Me Out of Here!”
 
INTERNET
Online Porn Sites Get Three Times More Visits Than Top Search Engines
Wall Street anticipates huge initial public offering for HotNakedCelebrityBabes.com.
 
LAW
Nursing Home Patient Might
Not Collect $1.2 Million Jury
Award in Ant Attack

Evidence was quashed, then squashed.
“Casual Friday” Law Heads to Senate
Bill passes House, 435-0.
SCIENCE
Inca Graveyard Discovered in Peru
Remains shown here believed to be those of popular Inca singer and backup group.
 
New Study: Universe 156 Billion Light-Years Wide
Photo of universe (above) taken from parallel universe.
 
HEALTH/ MEDICINE
Link Between Antidepressant
Medications and Teen Suicide
Upsetting to Drug Companies

Fewer customers could impact profits.
 
EDITORS' NOTE
In the days leading up to the war in Iraq we relied heavily on information from a source that has since been discredited, The New York Times. We apologize for not recognizing the problem sooner and promise to be more vigilant in the future.

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