Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JUNE 21 - 27, 2004
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PEOPLE
Pamela Anderson Gains American Citizenship
All-male immigration board approves request in record time.
 
RELIGION
Vatican Report: Inquisition
Not So Bad After All

Several centuries of executions and torture blamed on “a few bad apples.”
 
SPORTS
Earliest Written Reference to Game of Baseball Found in Massachusetts
Document from 1791 contains passage that mentions “a large group of uncouth men playing an interminable game while spitting, scratching, and using foul language.”
 
FASHION
Most Expensive Hat Ever Made Goes on Display
$2.7 million diamond-encrusted chapeau designed by Dr. Seuss.
New Pez Dispensers Do More Than Just Dispense Candy!
The revolutionary Pez Commander is a phone, a camera, an MP3 player, a personal organizer, an Internet browser, a GPS receiver, a cigarette lighter, and a candy dispenser. Comes with two extra packs of candy. Available in Pluto, Batman, and Santa Claus. $99, at all 99 Dollars Only stores.
X-Ray Glasses See Everything!
Put on a pair of these stylish specs and your days of mentally undressing strangers is over. They see right through the thickest of fabrics -- even bulletproof vests. No more doubt or confusion -- the age of transparency is here! $60, at all Sex Fifth Avenue stores.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
500,000 More Millionaires in 2003
Several of whom paid taxes.

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