Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 5 - 11, 2004
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AUTO
  British Entrepreneur Branson
Drives Across English Channel
In Record Time

But gets stuck in traffic jam on way to Paris.
 
EDUCATION
Report: College Science Lectures Boring
Suggested reforms include interactive
learning, lab work, pole dancing.
 
SPORTS
Cheney Booed at Yankee Stadium
Tells crowd: “Go fuck yourselves.”
Speedo Unveils New Model U.S. Swimmers Will Wear at Summer Olympics
Expected to cut several seconds off time it takes spectators to get in their seats.
FEATURE
New EPA rules allowing plywood factories to emit more formaldehyde into the air were written by
A )Scientists using data from recent studies linking formaldehyde and leukemia.
B ) Extraterrestrials using research from anal probes of captured earthlings.
C )Lawyers and executives of the plywood manufacturing industry using their God-given common sense.
 
FOOD
Vodka-Flavored Ice Cream Bars Go on Sale in Australia
Aimed at kids who love ice cream and the occasional Bloody Mary.

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