Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 26 - AUGUST 1, 2004
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PEOPLE
Bush's Daughters Join Campaign
They'll help spread “compassionate conservative” message.
Report: Michael Jackson a Father Again, This Time It's Quadruplets
The mother and her lawyer are resting comfortably.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Al Franken Tops Bill O'Reilly
In NY Radio Ratings

But O'Reilly wins highly coveted 18-34 neo-Nazi demographic.
Mariel Hemingway to Play Maria Shriver In Arnold Schwarzenegger Biopic
California state assembly to be played by Gay Men's Chorus.
 
BUSINESS
U.S. Auto Makers' Profits Up on Lending
May spin off manufacturing divisions.
 
MARKETING
National Guard's "Freedom Rocks" Pitch Features Models Partying on Beach
Intended to screen out recruits with IQs over 100.
SCIENCE
Hawking Revises Theory:
Black Holes No Longer
Gateway to Parallel Universe

“What was I smoking?” quips renowned physicist.
Family Words Came Early
In Human Development

Neanderthals had words for “Mama,” “Papa” and “Are we there, yet?”
 
Study: Heavy
Drinking on The Rise in Germany

German Chancellor Schroeder (shown) says problem overstated.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Broccoli, Spinach Found to Keep Women's Brains Sharp As They Age
For men, it's women.
Law Professor Challenges Notion
That Being Fat Is Bad in
"The Obesity Myth"

Book is selling like hotcakes.
 
CORRECTION
Last week we reported that, just before the handover of power to Iraq, “President Bush lined up seven detainees against a wall and shot them in cold blood, killing six of them.” It was actually the new Prime Minister of Iraq, Iyad Allawi, who shot the detainees. We're sorry for any confusion this may have caused.

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