Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 16 - 22, 2004
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OLYMPICS 2004 - SPECIAL EDITION - continued
Many Seats Going Unsold for Certain Events
Synchronized Archery, Rhythmic Weightlifting, Beach Pinochle (shown) have been tough sells.
TV: U.S. Coverage of Games
Will Not Include Games

NBC will instead air 1100 hours of sentimental profiles of athletes.
Greek Baseball Team Hires Translator
Will help the two Greeks on the team communicate with American teammates.
  Sportswriters Covering
Games of One Mind

They all write the same story, simultaneously.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Russian Scientists Discover Wreck of Alien Spaceship in Siberia
Vodka found on board “still good.”
FEATURE
WHAT THEY WERE THINKING

Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Michael Eisner, Hollywood Walk of Fame, Hollywood, California, August 9, 2004.

Mickey Mouse (left): “I remember thinking it's a long time to stand in one place, especially in ninety-plus heat. Believe me, when Walt ran things we were treated better. But I was happy to see Donald finally get his star, even if it did come after Goofy, Pluto, and Minnie.”

Donald Duck (center): “I had only one thought: what took so fuckin' long? I know Walt was partial to the rodent -- money talks. But 70 years? I was also surprised none of my nephews showed up.”

Michael Eisner (right): “I was thinking of the budget for this thing. If we went over an hour the production crew would have to get another forty thousand dollars. And whoever was in the duck costume had a serious case of b.o.”

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