Ironic Times

page one
PAGE TWO – AUGUST 23 - 29, 2004
page three

PEOPLE
Paris Hilton Reports $5000 Missing
Offers her dog Tinkerbelle as reward.
Oprah Winfrey Serves on Jury
Which Convicts Man of Murder

Jury deliberates for one hour, with breaks for commercials.
 
BUSINESS
Google: Bungled Boondoggle
Or Mind-Boggling Bonanza?

Headline writers can't agree.
United Airlines to Terminate
Pension Plans

Troubled carrier will offer gold-colored parachutes to flight attendants.
Successor to Segway Getting Tryout
Allows for longer trips, fewer stops.
SCIENCE
Experiments Prove Difference
Between Addiction and Casual
Drug Use in Rats

Casual drug-using rats less likely to lose home, car, job, and family.
 
British Archaeologists Find Cave Once Used by John The Baptist
And someone named Kilroy.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Report: More Americans Crossing Border to Buy Cheaper Drugs
“The cocaine's much cheaper in Colombia,” says one customer.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Park Service to Allow Bison
Back In Yellowstone

But only 720, and only if they aren't too noisy.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2004 Ironic Times