Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 13 - 19, 2004 
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ELECTION '04
Book: Bush Took Cocaine at Camp David; Laura Smoked Pot
Lead over Kerry widens.
Kerry Hires Former Clinton Confidantes
Adds Gennifer Flowers, Monica Lewinsky to campaign staff.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Trump's Apprentice Signs
Deal for New TV Show

“The Apprentice's Apprentice” will select an apprentice from a group of aspiring apprentices.
 
BUSINESS
Sex Toys 'R' Us to Close Most
Or All of its 784 Stores

Competition from Sex-Mart, Sex World, Sex Factory Outlet forced retailer's hand.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS
Thor Heyerdahl's Son to Recreate Father's Voyage in Modern Replica of Kon-Tiki
Hopes to prove ancient Polynesians crossed Pacific equipped only with solar panels, GPS, and Internet access.
SCIENCE
Anthropologists: First Americans Came From Australia
Their descendants moved to England, were arrested and sent back to Australia.
“Love at First Sight” Phenomenon Exists, Says Study
Researchers observed males driving alone in urban areas between the hours of two and six AM.
 
Robot Built That Can Walk on Water
Inventor hoping it can eventually turn water into wine.
 
Scientists Announce Development
Of Predatory Robot Which Catches, Uses Flies as Power Source

The scientists have not been heard from since.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Half of Patients Who Had Heart Attacks Still Smoke One Year Later
Tobacco companies will feature them in “I'd rather smoke than live” campaign.
Cleveland Offers Donors Pint of
Beer for Pint of Blood

Transylvania offers pint of blood for pint of beer.

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