Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCTOBER 4 - 10, 2004
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AMUSEMENTS
World's Fastest Roller Coaster Unveiled
Ride opens at Six Flags Vomit Adventure in New Jersey.
SPORTS
Baseball: Playoffs Begin
Curses activated.
Montreal Expos Cleared to
Move to Washington, D.C.

But they're prohibited from bringing affordable prescription drugs with them.
Baseball Mulls Instant Replay
However, umpires complain it would take between fifteen and twenty years to play one game.
Athletes Honored as Role Models
In acceptance speeches Mike Tyson, Dennis Rodman say they're “proud to accept these awards on behalf of fellow athletes.”
FEATURE
The U.S. Treasury Department has one third as many agents assigned to tracking Osama Bin Laden's financial infrastructure as it has investigating
A )drug cartel money laundering operations at offshore dummy corporations based on the planet Klevnar 9 in Alpha Centauri.
B )signs that the Rapture has begun.
C )Cuban embargo violations.
(Hint: Most agents assigned to this investigation speak Spanish.)
 
MILESTONES
Macaulay Culkin Turns 70
Now doesn't that make you feel old?
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Bush Surveys Florida Hurricane Damage
Promises to exact revenge on Cuba.
Report: 123,000 Hours of FBI
Intercepts Untranslated

“They're not in English,” explains spokesman.

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