Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – OCTOBER 25 - 31, 2004
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ENTERTAINMENT
Kim Basinger Says She'd Wed Again If Right Man Came Along
That would not be you.
Movies: Batman VI Begins Production
Could be final installment of series, at least with this cast.
Conservatives Target “Desperate Housewives”
Show disparages family values, says Association of the Desperately Repressed.
 
BUSINESS
Stocks Hit 11-Month Low,
But Google Shares Soar

Millions use search engine looking for “bankruptcy services” and “countries with no extradition treaties.”
New Device Secretly Turns Off Any TV Within 100 Ft.
Inventor of “TV-B-Gone” says he felt compelled to do something after watching “The Dennis Miller Show.”
SCIENCE
Use of Home Robots to Soar
Sevenfold By 2007, According
To UN Report

Prepared by robots.
Satellite Data Showing
Twisting of Space-Time
Confirms Einstein's Theories

But he couldn't figure out women.
 
One-Third of All Amphibians Threatened With Extinction
Accompanied by a glass of good Bordeaux or Burgundy.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Consumers Backing Away From Popular Fad Diets
Marketers fear they may start eating balanced meals in moderation.
 
CORRECTION
We mistakenly reported that Democratic Rep. Corrine Brown accused Republicans of stealing the election in Florida by throwing away one million black votes. When she was subsequently censured by the Republicans in the House, her comments were stricken from the record, so there is now no evidence she ever made them. We regret the confusion.

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