| ENTERTAINMENT |
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Kim Basinger Says She'd Wed
Again If Right Man Came Along
That would not be you. |
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Movies: Batman VI
Begins Production
Could be final installment of series,
at least with this cast. |
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Conservatives Target “Desperate
Housewives”
Show disparages family values, says
Association of the Desperately Repressed. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Stocks Hit 11-Month Low,
But Google Shares Soar
Millions use search engine looking for
“bankruptcy services” and
“countries with no extradition
treaties.” |
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 New Device
Secretly Turns Off Any TV
Within 100 Ft.
Inventor of “TV-B-Gone”
says he felt compelled to
do something after watching
“The Dennis Miller
Show.” |
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| SCIENCE |
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Use of Home Robots to Soar
Sevenfold By 2007, According
To UN Report
Prepared by robots. |
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Satellite Data Showing
Twisting of Space-Time
Confirms Einstein's Theories
But he couldn't figure out women. |
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 One-Third of
All Amphibians
Threatened With
Extinction
Accompanied by a glass of
good Bordeaux or
Burgundy. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Consumers Backing Away From
Popular Fad Diets
Marketers fear they may start eating
balanced meals in moderation. |
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| CORRECTION |
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We mistakenly reported
that Democratic Rep. Corrine Brown
accused Republicans of stealing the
election in Florida by throwing away one
million black votes. When she was
subsequently censured by the Republicans
in the House, her comments were stricken
from the record, so there is now no
evidence she ever made them. We regret
the confusion. |
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