Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 1 - 7, 2004 
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LAW
Bush Could Face Tough Choice to Replace Rehnquist
Both Scalia, Thomas qualified, comparison chart shows:
    SCALIA THOMAS  
    Law degree yes yes  
    Male yes yes  
    Hobby duck hunting watching videos  
    Biggest peeve cameras, microphones late charges  
    Roe v. Wade Wade Wade  
    Bush v. Gore Bush Bush  
    Bush v. Kerry (if necessary) Bush Bush  
 
SPORTS
Barry Bonds' 700th Home Run Ball Sold on Internet for $804,129
Seller needed money to buy steroids.
 
PEOPLE
Prince Philip Reveals Black Eye From “Fall”
Slipped throwing half-empty bottle of Scotch at Prince Harry.
Paris Hilton to Open Exclusive "Club Paris" in Las Vegas
Nightspot will cater to her and her alone; no one else will be admitted.
 
FEATURE
New Software Program Allows You To Vote Electronically From Anywhere!
Once you install VoteRemote, it automatically locates your polling place, taps into its computer and records your vote, all in the blink of an eye. What a timesaver! And, if they’re still using punchcards, no problem. VoteRemote can search a national database for other registered voters with names or addresses similar to yours and send your vote to their polling places! Lots of other neat tricks. Shareware, free 30-day trial. Full version, $29.95. From Anarchy Systems.

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