Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 24 - 30, 2005
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MILESTONE
Centennial of Einstein's Theory Of Relativity Noted
To celebrate, two Amtrak trains leave station at same time headed in opposite directions and arrive on schedule.
 
ART
Guggenheim Museum Loses Biggest Benefactor Over Dispute
Situation “spiraling out of control,” says one insider.
Original Picasso Sold by Costco
Buyer pays $40,000.00 for signed drawing, plus $17.83 for 24 rolls of toilet paper, six bottles of Diet Pepsi, and a canned ham.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
Welcome Gadget Jams Any
Cellphone Within 100 Ft.!

The phrase “Can you hear me now?” could be a thing of the past if enough people get Cellphone-B-Gone, a clever device small enough to carry on a keychain but powerful enough to blot out any cellphone conversation within earshot. Developed by the Cuban military to jam Radio Marti broadcasts, Cellphone-B-Gone will have you lighting up a victory cigar every time you use it. $39.95, at all Questionable Innovations stores.
FEATURE
According to the Center for Strategic and International Studies, what percentage of every dollar spent on rebuilding Iraq is reaching Iraqis, and what percent is going to big, U.S. corporations?
A )Iraqis: 73%, U.S. corporations: 27%
B )Iraqis: 50%, U.S. corporations: 50%
C )Iraqis: 27%, U.S. corporations: 73%
(Hint: go with your gut on this one.)

The avowed purpose of the latest group of exiles lobbying for the U.S. to invade their native land, the Alliance for Democracy in Iran, is:
A )Restore democracy in Iran.
B )Restore the monarchy in Iran.
(Hint: this one's harder than it looks.)
 
TRAVEL
World's Largest Commercial Jet Unveiled
Airbus A380 can transport 555 passengers in “the finest comfort,” or 840 passengers “packed like sardines.”

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