Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – FEBRUARY 14 - 20, 2005 
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MEDIA
White House Reporter Receives Pulitzer Prize
Jeff “Gannon” (not his real name) wins in new category, Fake Journalism.
36% of High School Students Think Newspapers Should Get “Government Approval” Before Printing Stories
White House press relations office calls poll results “encouraging.”
 
ENTERTAINMENT
TV: Super Bowl Ratings Down 4%
Many choose to skip game and go to topless clubs.
 
BUSINESS
Citigroup to Cut 1,000 Jobs
Will preserve core positions putting customers on hold, selling them services they don't want.
Donald Duck Addresses Disney Shareholders
Calls for Goofy's ouster; blames him for Ovitz mess, losing Pixar.
SCIENCE
NASA: This Could Be
“Hottest Year Ever”

But “nothing like next year,” and “don't even ask” about year after that.
 
 
Astronomers: Some Planets In Our Galaxy Could Be Covered With Diamonds
Enough to make everyone on Earth “fabulously wealthy.”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Curry Spice May Fight Alzheimer's
So use a bit more on your enchilada.
Americans' Life Expectancy to
Drop Due to Obesity

Analysis: more of us will be getting stuck in doorways, turnstiles.
 
CORRECTION
A recent article stated incorrectly that “after months and months of relentless news coverage, the Michael Jackson trial has finally ended.” It should have stated, “after months and months of relentless news coverage, the Michael Jackson trial has finally begun.” We regret any confusion caused by our error.

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