Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEBRUARY 21 - 27, 2005
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TRENDS
Diners Flock
To Clothing-
Optional Restaurant in New York

Receives highest rating from Voyeur Gourmet.
 
SPORTS
Sport of Hockey Ends
Zamboni Destruction Derby will take its place.
Major League Baseball Adjusts
Jose Canseco's Statistics

Admitted steroid user's 462 home runs will be converted to long fly balls caught at the warning track.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
70th Anniversary Edition of Monopoly Comes With Real Money
Game stopped using Monopoly money, which is now worth more.
MEDIA
Congress Boosts Broadcast Indecency Fines
Establishes guidelines for various transgressions.
   $100,000 fine for saying “fuck”
   $200,000 fine for saying “motherfucker”
   $300,000 fine for saying “fucking motherfucker”
   $400,000 fine for saying “fuck you, you motherfucker”
   $500,000 fine for saying “fuck you, you fucking motherfucker”
 
TRAVEL
Adolf Hitler's Mountain Retreat At Berchtesgaden Converted to Luxury Hotel
Hitler Hilton offers such amenities as golf course, spa, free showers.
 
ANAGRAM NEWS
Tokyo Colorpot Takes Effect Everywhere
Except in Ituned Tastes of Acrimea, which is not a signatory.

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