Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 21 - 27, 2005
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ENTERTAINMENT
Broadway: All- Robot Revival Of The Music Man Closes
Producer blames bad weather, slow economy, constant picketing by musicians' union.
FCC Panel Rules “Monday Night
Football” Intro With Nicolette
Sheridan Not Indecent

“We watched it several times and nobody got a woody,” explains spokesman.
 
BUSINESS
McDonald's Unveils Healthy
Lifestyle Campaign

Don't go to McDonald's.
German Market Allows Customers To Pay by Fingerprint
For cash back, blood sample required.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Justice Dept. Invokes Little-Known Law
You're under arrest.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Australian Women Who Have
Two Drinks a Day Healthier
Than Non-Drinkers

Study conducted by Australian men.
Higher Education Combats Memory Loss In Elderly, Says Study
But any benefits reversed by Spring Break.
 
TRENDS
“Blog,” “Wedgie,” “Irritable
Bowel Syndrome” Added to
New Webster's Dictionary

“Diary,” “Indian burn," “pain in the ass” dropped.
 
FEATURE
Seven Simple Things You Can Do to Prevent Identity Theft
1.  Use high, squeaky voice on phone.
2.  Eat all mail after reading.
3.  Have trusted relative hide your credit cards and not tell you where they are.
4.  Alter photographs of yourself.
5.  Switch car license plates with a friend.
6.  Don't sleep in the same room twice.
7.  Change your name frequently.

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