Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 4 - 10, 2005
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POLITICS
Bush Backs Off on Social Security, Apologizes for Iraq “Lies,” Admits Past Cocaine Use
Also admits shirking National Guard duty in annual April Fool's Day Address.
 
SPORTS
Baseball Season Starts With Much Stricter Steroid Testing
Opening day scores: Yanks 1, Red Sox 0 (10 innings); Dodgers 1, Braves 0 (14 innings); Pirates 1, Mets 0 (19 innings); White Sox 1, Angels 0 (23 innings); Cards 0, Astros 0 (suspended, curfew).
Commercials to Employ Split Screen On Weekly Broadcast
While ads run, other part of screen will show Major League Soccer game.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Visiting Circus Elephants Depressed by New York Visit
Find humans living in small, confined spaces, with little hope of escape.
FEATURE
In an effort to cut government waste, the Bush Administration has launched an initiative to cut off Medicare funding for which one of these groups?
A )Men with erectile dysfunction.
B )Women needing cosmetic surgery.
C )Seniors in the top 1% of income earners.
D )Children hospitalized for severe mental illness.
(Remember, you may choose only one.)

Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak recently called for democracy in his country by asking that opponents be allowed to run against him. These opponents would be:
A )Approved by an opposition party.
B )Approved by a coalition representing majority parties on nearby planets.
C )Approved by Mubarak's party.

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