Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 18 - 24, 2005
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MISCELLANEOUS
Poll: Women Prefer Men Who Take Fewer Risks
Unless they're heavily insured.
 
RELIGION
Viagra, Which Contains Some Leaven, Ruled Kosher for Passover
Rabbis hope ruling will keep grandpa awake through dinner.
 
LIFESTYLE
Poll: 70% Blame Popular
Culture for Moral Decay

Conclusion: we hate what we love.
Americans Evenly Divided on
Whether They Prefer Doing Their Taxes or Going to Dentist

More lean towards dentist if Novocain is provided.
 
SPORTS
Baseball to Crack Down on Ballpark Violence
All fans will be tested for steroids.
FEATURE
“I don't care about international law. I don't want to hear the words, 'international law' again. We are not concerned with international law.” Who said it, and to whom?
A )Head of the Gestapo to American prisoner of war in World War II.
B )Dr. No to James Bond just before he throws him into the piranha pool.
C )President of U.S. military tribunal to Guantanamo detainee who asked to speak in his own defense.
Hint: it's not A) or B)     
 
TRAVEL
"Dickens World" Theme Park
Going Up Near London

Visitors have pockets picked by street urchins, get thrown in Debtor's Prison.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Gas Prices Continue to Soar
Life savings for self-serve regular, first-born for super unleaded not uncommon at some stations.

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