Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 30 - JUNE 5, 2005
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PEOPLE
Teacher Mary Kay Letourneau And Former Student Vili Fualaau Wed
Woody Allen, Soon-Yi serve as Best Man, Maid of Honor.
 
MEDIA
New FCC Chairman Calls on Cable Channels to Voluntarily Tone Down Sexual Content
Asks porn producers to add more character exposition, story development.
Defense Rests in Jackson Trial
Court TV files for bankruptcy.
 
BUSINESS
Northwest to Cut Half of Mechanics
Passengers will be asked to help out with
routine maintenance, minor repairs.
Circus Strike Turns Ugly
Rock-throwing clowns (shown) target management in latest incident.
SCIENCE
X-Ray, Particle Accelerator Unveil Lost Archimedes Texts
Reveal true meaning of “Eureka!” was, “I found my other sock!”
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Probes Viagra Link to Blindness
And hairy palms.
Study: Single Malt Whisky Can Protect You From Cancer
According to findings presented to a medical conference in, uh, Scotland.
 
WHERE ARE THEY NOW?

Paris Hilton
It's been over twenty-four hours since Paris Hilton was in the news, so we wondered what she was up to. We reached the hotel heiress/media darling at her home, where she told us she's “taking the day off” before “going out later,” probably club hopping the night away, where something she says or does will land her right back in the headlines. Mystery solved.

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