Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 6 - 12, 2005
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PEOPLE
New Miss Universe Warns Of Quasars, Black Holes
Also solar storms, comets.
MEDIA
Parents Television Council Calls Paris Hilton's Burger Ad Softcore Porn
Wait 'til they see her Wienerschnitzel ad.
 
BUSINESS
Dow Drops 111 on Wal-Mart
Earnings Warning

Analysts fear if you can't make a decent profit off slave labor, market is in trouble.
Most Sluggish Hiring in Two Years Subject to Different Interpretations
Some say economy has hit a soft patch, some a temporary pause, others say it's taking a well-deserved rest.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Heroin Addiction Gene Identified, Blocked in Rats
Promises widespread use of heroin, without fear of getting hooked.
 
 
Experts Say Combining Diets Best Way to Lose Weight
Shown: two experts combine All-Ice Cream Diet with All-Chocolate Cake Diet.
 
SCIENCE
Swiss Scientists Discover Sprayable “Trust Hormone”
White House orders 275 million doses.
First Radio Telescope Searching for Extraterrestrial Life Goes Into Operation
Immediately receives threatening message from Ming the Merciless, of the planet Mongo.
 
INTERNET
New .xxx Web Domain Approved
Extension will enable 14-year-old boys to more easily locate really hot sites.

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