Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JUNE 27 - JULY 3, 2005
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PEOPLE
Miss World Got Cosmetic Nose, Breast Surgery
Next year two titles: “Miss Before Surgery World” and “Miss After Surgery World”
ENTERTAINMENT
AP Poll: Americans Prefer
Watching Movies at Home

Alone, with shades down, door locked.
 
BOOKS
Saddam's New Novel to Be
Published This Week

From Butcher of Baghdad to Dorito Bandito said to be autobiographical.
 
BUSINESS
Six Top Executives Resign
At Krispy Kreme

To spend more time with their nutritionists.
New Car Claims Top Mileage Title
Runs on gravity.
MILESTONES
Inventor of Integrated Circuit Dies
Had vision in 1958 of world where people could call, tell each other, “I'm stuck in traffic.”
SCIENCE
Research Shows Individual Neurons Recognize Halle Berry, Jennifer Aniston
Replacing neurons previously used to recognize family members.
South Korean Researchers
Extract Stem Cells From
Cloned Human Embryos

Breakthrough means we'll be able to live forever, in South Korea.
 
2,000-Year- Old Shoe Found in Tree in England
But 2,000-year-old sock still missing.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Warning Proposed for Viagra,
Cialis, Levitra

“The Surgeon General has determined that this product may cause blindness (but it's worth it).”
 
CORRECTION
Last week we mistakenly reported that the House had passed a bill making it a crime to defile the Constitution by torturing prisoners. In fact the bill will amend the Constitution to make it a crime to defile the flag to protest torturing prisoners. We regret the error.

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