Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 11 - 17, 2005
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SPORTS
Chimp Wins Animal Kingdom Open On Final Hole
Eagle fails to birdie.
Football Drops to Fourth Among
Most Popular Sports

Tops baseball, which drops to fifth.
 
TOP 5 MOST POPULAR SPORTS:
   1. Poker   
   2. Eating   
   3. Wife-Carrying   
   4. Football   
   5. Baseball   
 
 
LAW
Two Men Arrested for Telling
Lawyer Jokes

Advised by their attorney to plead guilty.
FEATURE
Last week Americans celebrated the 4th by displaying a record number of American flags. This patriotic display was made possible by:
A )Real estate agents distributing lawn flags for free to potential clients.
B )Chinese slave laborers making flags cheaply enough so real estate agents can distribute them for free.
C )Trade agreements making it possible for Chinese to make cheap flags and invest profits to finance our deficits.
 
LIFESTYLE
Chicago Study: Women Smeared With Grapefruit Smell Younger To Men
Florida Citrus Council developing ads to promote “The Cagney Effect.”

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