Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 25 - 31, 2005 
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POLITICS
Bush Recruits His Mother to Push Social Security Package
She's old, she's popular and she needs Social Security like a hole in the head.
 
FACTOID
Average British Woman Spends $54,000 on Shoes in Lifetime
When royal family excluded, average drops to $1,300.
 
SPORTS
NFL Training Camps Open
Linemen, special teams report; head cases, prima donnas arrive in two weeks.
NHL: New Rule Eliminates Ties
If tied after overtime and shootout, team with most teeth wins.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
EBay: Slice of Toast Bearing Image of Michael Jackson Sold for $6
To Michael Jackson.
FEATURE
Which of the following countries is the most vulnerable to the catastrophic effects of global warming?
 A )Could it be Brazil?
 B )Maybe China?
 C )Ohmigod, it's not us, is it?
 D )Relax, it's France.

“Solid” is to “conservative” as
_________  is to “liberal”
 A )knee jerk
 B )screaming
 C )card-carrying
 D )bleeding heart
 E )crazy
 
COINS
U.S. Issues Iwo Jima Silver Dollar
Commemorates only time we struck back at people who attacked us.

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