Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 1 - 7, 2005
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PEOPLE
Jane Fonda to Cross Country Whipping Up Opposition to Iraq War
Tour paid for by White House.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Rats Fed Artificial Sweetener
Develop Leukemia, Lymphoma

But other rats impressed with how good they look.
British Survey: Men Less
Attracted to Brainy Women

“Our perspicacity often engenders in the male a proclivity toward detumescence,” observes one.
 
SCIENCE
Canadian Lab to Test Hair
Claimed to Be From Sasquatch

Will test for drugs, alcohol.
 
BUSINESS
Big Labor Breaks Up
Dissenting unions didn't like holding annual meeting at Wal-Mart.
Japanese ATM Doubles As Slot Machine
Makes depositing your paycheck “much more fun” claims manufacturer.
Stealthy Sports Car is Invisible To Radar!
If you like going a hundred and twenty on the interstate but hate getting stopped by Broderick Crawford, then this is the horseless carriage for you. The sleek new Penumbra XL from Lamborghini may be a bit pricey at $245,000 ($395,00 when equipped with heat-seeking missiles), but think of the money you'll save on speeding tickets! Seats one. At Lamborghinis For Less.
Save a Fortune On Clothes With This Clever Device!
Hate paying twenty-five bucks for a lousy t-shirt? Of course, you're also paying for a brand name, advertising and the trendy store's mark-up. Cut out the middlemen! Not a loom, not a sewing machine, the amazing Spinning Jenny takes raw cotton or wool and turns it into anything you like, and for pennies. $49.99, exclusively at Third World Exports.
 
TRENDS
British Study: Best Way to Woo Women Is Wining, Dining
Second best way: dining, whining.

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