Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 15 - 21, 2005
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MILESTONES
Kermit the Frog Turns 50
It's not easy being gray.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Beer Made By Trappist Monks
Voted Best in World

Centuries-old vow of silence broken during raucous celebration.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
81% Increase in Florida Motorcycle Deaths After Helmet Law Repealed
Lawmakers to have their heads examined.
 
SPORTS
Poll: Fans Would Ban Palmeiro From Hall, But Not McGwire, Sosa, Bonds
Because they didn't get caught.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
140 American Cars Form Image of Old Glory
After breaking down.
FEATURE
The debate about the future of the Space Shuttle has begun. What are the leading possibilities?
A )Limited use to supply space station if safety problems can be minimized.
B )Sale to Coppertone to tow giant banner ad across coastal beaches.
C )World's largest planter.

Supreme Court nominee John Roberts recently admitted that when he said he was not a member of the Federalist Society, he had forgotten he'd been on their Steering Committee in 1998. What caused him to forget?
A )Federalist Society Steering Committee meetings so boring committee members sometimes forgot their own names.
B )Members of society who face confirmation hearings in Senate must drink secret potion which erases memory.
C )He was taken aboard UFO in 1999 by aliens who took his memory of 1998 back to their home planet for further study.

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