Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUG 29 - SEPT 4, 2005
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ENTERTAINMENT
TV: Miss Universe Pageant Moves to Cable
Shown: Miss Mars struts her stuff during swimsuit competition.
Church Wants to Rewrite Movie
Being Made of The Da Vinci Code

Thinks it would make good screwball comedy.
 
PEOPLE
Pitt-Aniston Divorce Granted
On grounds of irreconcilable entourages.
 
BUSINESS
Outlook for Economy Still Bright, With One Dark Cloud on Horizon
Three-fourths of workforce employed as real estate agents.
Market Takes Note of Global Warming
Investors buying ice futures.
24-Hour Book Vending Machines In Paris Coming To America
In U.S., books will be replaced with candy.
SCIENCE
Researchers Developing Urine-Powered Battery
Could help lost beer drinkers find their way home in the dark.
British Study: Men Are
Smarter Than Women

Women's study: Brits are idiots.
 
Previously Unseen
Einstein Manuscript Uncovered

Document (right), which reconciles quantum mechanics with theory of relativity, was used to wrap his lunch.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Again Delays Decision on
Morning-After Pill

Keeps putting off until tomorrow what it could do today.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Study: Maximum Contaminant Levels Permitted for Plutonium-239 in Drinking Water 100 Times Too High
EPA, Congress expected to take emergency action as soon as major campaign donor gets into the Plutonium-239 removal business.

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