Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPTEMBER 5 - 11, 2005
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FEATURE
“While the people are still without water, electricity or security, authorities are focusing their efforts on getting the oil flowing again.” What is the dateline for this news story?
   A ) Baghdad.
   B ) New Orleans.
   C ) All of the above.
 
SPORTS
NFL Establishes Weight Cap
Each team's roster limited to six tons; anything over will be taxed.
Baseball: White Sox Pitcher Accuses Rangers of Stealing Signals
Fears they may have figured out that one finger means fastball, two means curve.
 
 
KIDZ KORNER
Civil War Mix 'n Match
In the coming civil war in Iraq you won't know the players without a scorecard! Can you match the militias (left) with their sponsors (right)? Hint: pay attention to the colors!
Badr Brigade   Abu Mussad al-Zarqawi
Mahdi Army   Patriotic Union of Kurdistan
Al-Tawhid Wal-Jihad   Al-Awda, Wahabis, Jihad Association of Muslim Scholars
Jaish Ansar al-Sunna   Abdul Aziz al-Hakim
KDP Peshmerga   Omar Hadid
Mohammad's Army   Salafis
Sunni Insurgency   George W. al-Bush
Islamic Response   Abu Abdullah al-Hassan bin Mahmoud
U.S. Army   Moqtada al-Sadr
PUK Peshmerga   Kurdistan Democratic Party
Black Banner   Iraqi National Resistance
 
INTERNET
Brits Plan Ban of Violent Web Porn
Despite objections of royal family.

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