Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – OCTOBER 17 - 23, 2005
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PEOPLE
Bill Gates Files For Bankruptcy
Barely beats deadline.
ENTERTAINMENT
TV: Reality Boom Fading
Unemployment office braces for crush of untalented out-of-work self-promoting wannabes.
 
BUSINESS
Newspapers Losing Revenues to Internet Versions
People switching to cheap, disposable wireless laptops to house-train dogs, wrap fish.
Middle East: Little Girls Choosing More Modest Fulla Over Barbie
Boys still prefer Barbie.
 
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Researchers Recreate Virus That Killed 50 Million in 1918
“Because we could,” explains one.
 
SCIENCE
2005 Hottest Year Ever,
Says New Data

Probably “early sign of the Apocalypse,” says White House meteorologist.
 
Warning: Avian Flu Virus Will Spread Easily
Infection can occur simply by looking at it (right).
 
Possible Patterns of Knots
Tied in Incan String Could
Be Written Language

Only message deciphered so far: “Yankee, go home.”
 
CORRECTION
Last week, due to a typo, we reported that President Bush's job approval rating among African Americans had plummeted to a “historically low 2%.” It should have read “hysterically low 2%.” We're sorry for any confusion this may have caused.

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