Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – OCT 31 - NOV 6, 2005
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NEW PRODUCTS
Japan: New Device Remotely Controls Humans
Should appeal to the megalomaniac who has everything.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
President of Kalmykia Offers
$1 Million to Put Lenin's
Body on Display in Elista

Ripley's Museum in Times Square offers $2 million.
Playboy Names Top Ten Party Schools
They're also the top ten schools in number of applicants.
 
SPORTS
Basketball: Mike Krzyzewski Picked To Coach U.S. Olympic Team
American officials feel he has enough consonants in his name to compete with foreign squads.
 
THIS WEEK'S PUZZLER
George Bush will pardon Scooter Libby:
A )Now, so we can focus on the important work the American people need to do.
B )Not until Libby is actually convicted, so as not to prejudge the case.
C )On his last day in office, to minimize the damage, lump him in with whoever else needs pardoning by then.
 
LAW
Intelligent Design Trial
Hopes to Wrap Up Soon

Courthouse needed for Santa Claus, Easter Bunny trials.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Report: World Series “Fixed”
Eight Astro players bribed $10,000 each to “throw” four games to White Sox.
Connect Plamegate figure in left column with corresponding Watergate figure in right column.
  A. Dick Cheney   1. John Ehrlichman
  B. Karl Rove   2. John Dean
  C. I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby   3. H.R. "Bob" Haldeman
  D. Joe Wilson   4. Spiro Agnew
  E. George W. Bush   5. Richard M. Nixon

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