Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 7 - 13, 2005
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FEATURE
As a matter of basic fairness, which Supreme Court nominees are entitled to an up or down vote on the floor of the U.S. Senate?
A )All nominees with the letter “o” in their names
B )All nominees on a hush-hush assignment for the Strategic Air Command protecting Earth from the Klingons.
C )Only nominees acceptable to the party in control of Congress.
Hint: Don't throw away your coat hangers, they could come in handy!
 
FACTOID
Poll: 78% Believe in Life After Death
They account for 94% of all speeding tickets.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: Phillies Sign Rightfielder
Bats right, throws right, sides with management on all labor issues.
As I said in my Almagest, which was well accepted for almost fifteen hundred years, the motions of the planets can be explained by careful observations and complex mathematical formulas based on the principle that the earth is at the center of the universe. But then so-called "scientists" came along and now I just don't get any respect. But thank Zeus, things are starting to change. As for evolution, I really don't have a dog in that fight, but I like the direction we're headed: backward. Soon as we discredit this Darwin fellow, Newton (who said some pretty ugly things about me by the way) will be next, then Galileo and Copernicus and bingo! I'll be back in the pink! So Zeus be with the Kansas and Pennsylvania school boards! I certainly am.
 
 

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