Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOV 28 - DEC 4, 2005
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PEOPLE
DeLay Makes Court Appearance
Judge holds preliminary hearing to see if it's possible DeLay can “wipe that stupid smile” off his face.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Child Safety Group Releases
List of “10 Most Dangerous Toys”

If you've purchased any of these, return them at once.
 
1.  G.I. Joe Interrogation Kit (Waterboard prone to splinter)
2.  Barbie's Tanning Parlor (Radiation shield sold separately)
3.  My First Facelift (Botox must be kept refrigerated)
4.  Russian Roulette, Jr (Gun chamber jams)
5.  101 Fun Drinking Games (Shot glasses not shatterproof)
6.  Jihad Barbie (detonation danger)
7.  Harry Potter's Goblet of Fire (flammable)
8.  Power Wheels Cadillac (slips out of park)
9.  Cookin' Fun Kitchen (gas leak possible)
10.  Hasbro Chat Now Cell Phone (porn)
SCIENCE
Scientists Discover “Singing
Iceberg” in Antarctica

Sensitive measuring devices pick up chorus of “We're Having a Heat Wave.”
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Federal Pension Agency Reports
$23 Billion in Losses

Public advised not to age.
New Nickel Depicts Thomas Jefferson Smiling
Design was picked before 2000 election.
 
TRAVEL
Heidi Fleiss to Open Male
Brothel in Nevada

So-called “stud farm” will cater to female politicians.
World's Largest Aquarium
Opens in Atlanta

Already boasts more fish than Lake Erie.
England: Pubs To Stay Open 24 Hours
Move made to accommodate Royal family, soccer goons.

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