Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 19 - 25, 2005
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PEOPLE
More Trouble for Michael Jackson
Disgruntled former employee selling parts of entertainer's face (right) on eBay.
 
SCIENCE
Evidence Discovered That Humans Lived In England 700,000 Years Ago
Cave painting shows tribal chieftain falling off mammoth, making offensive remarks.
Fingerprint Scanner Fooled
By Play-Doh

Reveals potential for three-year-old to fool biometric device, pass through security, hijack plane.
 
CORRECTION
 
In our recent holiday message to our readers we mistakenly wished them “a happy holiday with peace on earth and good will towards men.” The message ought to have been, “Merry Christmas, and joyous celebration of the birth of the Son of God, with high hopes that Jews, Moslems, Buddhists, Hindus and other infidels will turn away from their false gods to find life everlasting by accepting Jesus Christ as their Personal Savior.” We regret any confusion caused by our error.
FEATURE
Despite polling which shows two-thirds of Iraqis want us to leave and a solid majority of Americans believe the war was a mistake, the President intentionally misled them, has no exit strategy and no plan for victory, and that we should begin withdrawing our troops, Democratic politicians are still waiting for which sign that it's safe to advocate bringing our troops back home?
A )An armed revolution on the streets of all major U.S. cities.
B )The arrest and trial of top Administration officials by the International Criminal Court.
C )A coordinated attack on our troops by the insurgents and the Iraqi Security Forces.
D )An armada of UFOs from Mars simultaneously blasting the message, "GET OUT!" from loudspeakers.
Hint: Most Democrats are big fans of "Star Trek."
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Chicago Bar Offering $950 Cocktail
And another for your new friend Carmen Electra (right) brings tab to nearly two grand.

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