Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 2 - 8, 2006
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INTERNET
2005's Least Popular Search
Terms Released

There are no surprises.
 
  1. "fully clothed celebrities"
  2. "expensive medicine"
  3. "abstinence"
  4. "facts"
  5. "Bill of Rights"
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Report: Creationists Behind
Intelligent Design Movement

Also: Flat Earthers funding Slightly Curved Planet Movement.
Study: Half of All Teens 15-19
Have Engaged in Oral Sex

Republican lawmakers call for their impeachment.
Annual List of World's Best-Loved Multinational Corporations Released
On grain of rice.
FEATURE
The Pope's new policy on gay priests says:
A )Priests can't have sex, period.
B )Priests can't have sex, but the sex they can't have is straight sex.
C )Priests can't have gay sex or straight sex, but if they could have sex, (which they can't) the sex which they would have would be heterosexual sex only.
D )The sex which priests sinfully think about having is heterosexual sex. If the sex they sinfully think about having but don't have is homosexual sex, they can't be priests.
  Hint: If you answer this one wrong,
  you're going to Hell.
SPORTS
Preview: Winter Olympics
Adjust to Global Warming

Here's a guide to some changes you'll see at upcoming Turin games.
  Event   New Name
  Giant slalom   Giant waterslide
  Figure skating   Mud wrestling
  Cross-country skiing   Tryouts for "Survivor: Italy"
  Luge   Reclining
  Ski jumping   Mass suicide

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