Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JANUARY 23 - 29, 2006
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PEOPLE
Mr. Blackwell Announces His “10 Worst- Dressed” List
Virtually identical to “10 Hottest Women” list.
PUBLISHING
Peter Pan Sequel Due Out in Fall
Peter caught selling answers to college entrance exams, Wendy gets knocked up, Tinkerbell in rehab, Captain Hook retires to spend more time with his family.
 
BUSINESS
FBI: 9 Out of 10 U.S. Firms
Attacked Online

Likely culprit: tenth firm.
SEC to Require Greater Disclosure
Of Executive Compensation

Shower curtains valued at more than $6000 must be itemized.
Taiwan Scientists Successfully Breed Glow-in-the-Dark Pigs
For people who lose their pigs at night.
SCIENCE
California Home to 27 New Species
Including Three-Headed Sewage Snake, Six-Eyed Smog Frog, Transgender Pesticide Salmon.
Warmer Seas Will Wipe Out Plankton, Source of All Marine Life
But fish will still be available for viewing in aquariums, theme parks.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Married Couples' Sex Life
Halved by Having TV in Bedroom

From once a year to once every two years.
Study: Exercise Fends Off Dementia
Also helps you outrun crazy people.
 
EDUCATION
Online Lectures, Podcasts Enable College Students to Skip Most Classes
But physically attending college still important for sports, parties, drinking, sex.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Declaration of Independence Signing
Statement Discovered

Signers reserved right to return to British rule “if things don't work out.”

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