Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE –FEBRUARY 6 - 12, 2006
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NEW PRODUCTS
Beer-Bots Chill, Open, Pour Beer for You
And they run on urine.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Prince Charles Warns Fellow Brits
Not to Get Fat Like Americans

“Play polo, do the gavotte,” he advises.
Scots Target National Dish
Haggis in Anti-Obesity Drive

Although it's hard to resist a heaping bowl of sheep's organs boiled inside its own stomach.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Report: Greenland Glaciers Melting Much Faster Than Previously Estimated
Like last Thursday.
 
SPORTS
Millions Miss Super Bowl
Pre-game show goes four hours over.
 
CORRECTION
 
In a recent article, we misquoted James Hansen, director of NASA's Goddard Institute for Space Studies as warning of "dire consequences" if the U.S. did not change its policies regarding emissions which contribute to global warming. In fact, it was NASA which warned Hansen of "dire consequences" if he didn't shut up about global warming. We regret the confusion.
FEATURE
In his State of the Union address, President Bush pledged to reduce Middle East oil imports 75% by 2025. How long did it take his energy secretary and his national economic advisor to explain that he didn't actually mean that?
  A ) Six days.
  B ) Three days.
  C ) 12 hours.
  Hint: Not a good idea to leave our good friends in Saudi Arabia unhappy too long.

The Constitution is:
  A ) a good idea which has outlived its time.
  B ) quaint, naive.
  C ) subject to presidential interpretation.
  D ) pre-9/11 thinking.
  Hint: More than one answer is acceptable.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
World's Smallest Fish Caught
But you shoulda seen the one that got away.

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