Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 27 - MAR 5, 2006
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MISCELLANEOUS
Greece: Hiker
Finds 6500-Year-
Old Gold Pendant

Throws it away, saying he's a Creationist.
 
RELIGION
Supreme Court Approves Small Church's Use of Hallucinogenic Tea
Tiny congregation swells 3000%.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story! Just Fill in the Blanks in this Reusable News Template:

New research has shown that, contrary to what was previously believed, women taking _______do not benefit in lower rates of ______. In fact, women who took _______for ____ years or more suffered from an alarmingly higher incidence of _______, so high that the study had to be terminated. The _______ company, maker of _______ has challenged the study's methodology, insisting that when used as directed, the drug is safe and effective. The FDA, which approved the drug for use in _______, apparently ignored evidence of _______ in preliminary studies, according to ________, a scientist who worked at the FDA at the time but was fired after raising the issue.
FEATURE
Fed up with overreaching by the executive branch with the collusion of the legislative branch, the Supreme Court has finally agreed to review the Constitutionality of:
A )Bush's secret order to bypass the FISA court and wiretap Americans in the U.S. without a warrant.
B )Bush's unilateral decision to authorize torture for the first time in American history.
C )The Clean Water Act.
Hint: It's been way too long since the Cuyahoga River caught fire.

What happens when you say aloud the words, “The Ethics Committee of the American League of Lobbyists”?
A )You call into our dimension the notorious Mr. Mxyzptlk.
B )You disappear into a wormhole, emerge in an alternate universe.
C )The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse materialize on the steps of the Capitol.
Hint: You could find out easily enough by saying it, but we don't advise it.

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