Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 27 - APRIL 2, 2006
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PHILANTHROPY
Barbara Bush Earmarks Charitable Contribution to Katrina Relief for Son Neil's Software Firm
Disaster still working out very well for everybody.
 
KIDZ KORNER
 
Write Your Own News Story: Fill in the blanks on this Reusable News Template!

____ more Iraqis were killed today in a continuing upsurge of violence. In Baghdad ___ were gunned down in a series of attacks, while ___bodies were discovered ___ of the capital, bound and gagged, with evidence of torture. The slayings were apparently in revenge for the murder of __ ____s, whose bodies were discovered in ___ the previous week. Meanwhile, in various attacks in the ____ of the country __ more ___s were slain in what is now generally described as a civil war. On ___ the U.S. military reported that ___ U.S. ___s were killed in an attack on a convoy in ____, while a suicide bomber killed ___ U.S. ______s and wounded __. Despite the carnage, President Bush said things were going very well, and Vice President Cheney complained that only the bad news was being reported in the media.
YOUR TAXES
IRS Providing Taxpayers Choice of
Preferred Destination for 2005 Taxes
  1. Directly into pockets of super-rich.
  2. Bottomless pit in Iraq.
  3. To build missile shield which does not work against imaginary threat from former Soviet Union.
  4. To fight poverty, aid in disaster relief.*
  * Just kidding!! You must actually
   choose only 1, 2, or 3.
 
SPORTS
Baseball: American Signed by Team in Professional Korean Leagues
He'll battle stereotype Americans "not good enough" to play at highest levels of Korean baseball.
World Cup '06: Germany Building
Jail Just for Soccer Hooligans

One wing for British fans, other wing for rest of British fans.
 
MILESTONES
250-Year-Old Tortoise Dies in India
Entire sweep of modern history present in bowl of soup made from him.

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