Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 17 - 23, 2006
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SPORTS
Baseball: Cheney Booed By Some Fans On Opening Day
Also booed by some players, coaches, batboys, grounds crew, vendors, mascots, PA announcer.
 
FACTOID
One in Twenty Workers in U.S. Illegal
Other nineteen legal, but lazy, unreliable.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story! Just fill in the blanks on this Reusable News Template!

Evidence has surfaced today that _____, the ____ of _____, a notorious _______, met with President Bush in the White House in ___ of 200_, a meeting arranged by Jack Abramoff. ___ paid Abramoff for arranging the meeting by giving $__,___,___ to ____, a charity organization set up by Abramoff in a beach house in _____. The nonprofit organization has been unable to produce any records of charity work it performed, but did pay $__,___ in consulting fees to the wife of _____, an Abramoff associate identified in court filings as "Congressman __." The White House said only that President Bush meets with many ____ leaders and does not recall meeting the ____ of _____, who was later charged with ________ and _______ and is now at large.
FEATURE
Despite opposition from health and environmental groups and 39 state attorneys general, The National Uniformity for Food Act passed the House without a single public hearing because:
A )nobody likes to read a lot of gloomy health warnings on their food.
B )arsenic, mercury and lead are all part of our natural ecology.
C )the food industry made $81 million in campaign contributions to members of Congress.
Hint: $81 million pays for a lot of symposia in Bermuda on campaign finance reform.
 
INTERNET
Experts Warn of Widescale, Sophisticated Web Attacks
By high school dropouts for the most part.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Bush's Parents Cut Ribbon on New Domed Stadium
It will house thousands of disadvantaged hurricane victims.

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