Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – APRIL 24 - 30, 2006
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ENVIRONMENT
Report: Interior Dept. Counts Golf Course Water Hazards As “Increased Wetlands”
Counts recovered golf balls as “increased conservation of natural resources.”
 
TECHNOLOGY
Microsoft Developing "Dance Pad" to Operate Computer With Your Feet
Critics worry device could lead to eventual loss of our hands, arms.
Survey: Half Consult Web for
Life's Big Decisions

Other half asks friend to consult web for them.
 
SPORTS
Bonds Off to Slow Start as Kobayashi Passes Ruth
Eats 715th hot dog.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Seas Rise Suddenly; Nation's Capital Inundated
President stranded on White House roof; blames local authorities for slow response.
FEATURE
Ask the Dept. of Homeland Security
Q: As an historian, I'm concerned that some of the documents I've read in my research may have been reclassified by the federal government. How do I know which ones?
Robert W. Chicago, Ill.
A: Dear Robert: Your question is complex, but it all basically comes down to common sense. For example, one of our intelligence agencies (we can't tell you which one) recently reclassified a 1948 report on anti- American riots in Colombia. You can see how this information might threaten the security of the United States today. By the way Robert, what is your last name?
 
FASHION
Bikini Turns 60
Liposuction turns 59.
 


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