Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 1 - 7, 2006
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PEOPLE
James Baker Brought in to Advise President on Iraq
He's given office in cellar, behind broom closet.
Lee Raymond, ExxonMobil CEO, Receives $400 Million Retirement Package
Says he'll need it to fill up his Hummers.
 
BUSINESS
Airlines Consider Selling
“Standing Room Only” Tickets

Also mulling “stowaway” and “wingwalker” fares.
Americans Travel Longer,
Farther to Jobs

To do work they hate for big corporations intent on firing them and hiring cheap foreign labor.
Ben & Jerry's Apologizes to Irish for "Black and Tan" Ice Cream Flavor
Replaces it with "Sweet Potato Famine."
SCIENCE
Archeologists Find Earliest Mayan Writing in Guatemala
2,300-year-old glyphs blame teen sex on media.
Good News for Parents: Smartest
Kids' Brains Mature Later

Like around 40.
 
Study: Humans Destroyed Easter Island's Natural Resources Soon After Arriving
Huge statues erected to frighten off environmentalists.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Mushrooms Found to Contain
Plenty of Vitamin D

There's even more in poisonous mushrooms.
Study: Heart Disease Results When
Husbands Controlling, Wives Hostile

Reverse results in cancer.
Insomnia Drug Ambien May Cause Sleep-Eating, Sleep-Driving
And soon, sleep-suing.

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