Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 8 - 14, 2006
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PEOPLE
Malaysia:
33-Year-Old Man Marries 104-Year-Old Woman

Cynics point out she'll be 146 when he is 75.
Bush Says High Point of Presidency Was Catching 7 Lb. Fish on Ranch
Low point: starting WWIII for no reason.
 
BUSINESS
Gettysburg Battlefield Proposed
As Site for Casino

Featuring Four Score and Seven Card Stud.
Study: Stay-at Home Moms
Would Be Worth Annual
Salary of $134,121

Stay-at-home dads $34.95.
Microsoft Profits Shrink
Bill Gates denies rumors he is also shrinking.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Brits Much Healthier Than Americans
But they don't have our superior medical care.
Report: Many Middle Class Families Going Without Insurance
They're the ones wearing surgical masks, latex gloves.
 
White House Unveils Flu Pandemic Plan
  1.  Deny crisis.
  2.  Assure public plans in place.
  3.  Hold conference call to assess crisis.
  4.  Extend vacation plans.
  5.  Fly over affected area.
  6.  Blame Democrats.
  7.  Stage photo-ops at hospitals.
  8.  Prevent hearings on failure to prepare for pandemic.
 
SCIENCE
Half-Mile Wide Asteroid Given
Slight Chance of Hitting Earth
On June 21, 2008

As a precaution, all dinosaurs will be moved to safe locations.

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