Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 22 - 28, 2006
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ALSO IN THE NEWS
Indonesian Volcano Spurs Hopes
For Indonesian postcard industry.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
TV: 24-Hour Baby Channel Debuts
All crying all the time.
FCC Increases Broadcast
Indecency Fines

For some words, penalties ten times higher.
 
    WORD   PENALTY
      Iraq $500,000  
      Katrina $900,000  
      incompetent $1,000,000  
      hacks $1,250,000  
      cronies $1,500,000  
 
BUSINESS
British Inventor Unveils Car
Capable of 8000 Miles Per Gallon

Although your mileage may vary.
Ethanol Industry Trots Out Mascot
Corn Cob Bob (shown) will visit elementary schools to lecture kids about the evils of wind, geothermal, solar power.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: One in Three Heart Attack
Survivors Experience Depression

The other two have insurance.
Women Coached Through
Delivery Do About as Well
As Those Not Coached

Coaches fired.
 
Humans, Chimps Once Interbred
Finding sends shudder through ape community.
 
SCIENCE
Bananas Face Extinction Across Globe
And with them, slapstick.
 
CORRECTION
 
In our story about former President Bill Clinton's plans to write a new book, we mistakenly reported that the new project would focus on his many sexual affairs before and after becoming president, providing erotic details of the liaisons designed to appeal to the prurient interest of the public. In fact, it will be an inspirational book about public service focusing on the many people he has met who have devoted their lives to helping others. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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