Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 3 - 9, 2006
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PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Post-Tsunami Companions Decide to Call it Quits
End of friendship between tortoise, hippo blamed on “irreconcilable differences.”
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Study: Adding Weights to Children’s
Toys May Make Them More Fit

Recommended: Nerf Shot Put, Big-Boned Barbie, Mr. Watermelon Head.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story! Just fill in the blanks of this Reusable News Template:

New evidence has surfaced that _______, executed for the murder of ______ in ____, was innocent of the crime. According to _____ and _____, the real killer was _____, who died in ______. Evidence that the wrongly executed man was __ miles away at the time of the murder was ignored by police and not presented at trial. ____, an eyewitness who identified the real murderer was not called to testify, and other exculpatory evidence including ____ and ____ was either lost or suppressed. _____, a court appointed attorney who represented the wrongly executed man and who died of alcohol related causes in ____, slept through most of the trial. "We still believe we got the right guy," said _____, who prosecuted the case.
FEATURE
Since 2000, lawmakers took 23,000 privately funded trips worth $50 million, often paid for by groups with legislation before Congress. Typically these trips were to:
A ) Third world sweatshops where lawmakers could evaluate the problems of poverty.
B ) Environmentally devastated areas where lawmakers could probe illegal logging and mining operations.
C ) War zones where lawmakers could investigate war profiteering, corruption and the misuse of public funds.
D ) Golf, beach and ski resorts where lawmakers could study four star restaurants, luxury hotels.
E ) Mars.
 Hint: It ain't Mars. Try another answer.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Study: One in Four Americans
Has No Close Confidant

Except for Oprah Winfrey.
 
SPORTS
Doping Scandal Interrupted Again
By Tour de France.

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