Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 24 - 30, 2006
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PEOPLE
Kid Rock, Pamela Anderson to Wed
Plan to stay married for at least six weeks.
Putin, Bush Renew Old Friendship
Based on mutual respect, trust.
 
PUBLISHING
New York Times to Shrink
Size of Daily Paper

New masthead will read, "All the News That."
 
BUSINESS
U.S. Begins Crackdown on
Offshore Gambling

Task force, based in Las Vegas, promises numerous arrests.
European Union Fines
Microsoft $357 Million

Funds drawn from petty cash; MS stock rises 4%.
 
WEATHER
Uptick in Temperatures Noted Worldwide
Even scientists studying return of Arctic camels (left) are staying indoors.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Federally Funded Pregnancy
Resource Centers Tell Teenagers
Abortion Leads To Breast Cancer,
Infertility, Mental Illness

According to respected religious experts.
Study: New Medicare Prescription
Drug Plan Adds Over 200 Million
Hours of Government Red Tape

But it's free enterprise red tape.
 
 
Dolphins, Like Humans, Have Names for Each Other
“Flipper” most popular.
 
SCIENCE
Mysterious Object Detected at Center of Supernova 10,000 Light Years Away
Either answer to why we exist or bird dropping on lens of telescope.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported recently that President Bush had moved commissioners on the Civil Rights Commission to investigate violations of the Voting Rights Act committed by his brother Jeb in Florida. In fact, the president removed commissioners who voted to investigate violations of the Voting Rights Act committed by his brother. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.

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