Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 31 - AUGUST 6, 2006
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NEW PRODUCTS
British Monopoly Game Replaces Money With Debit Cards
Which can be used to buy original version of game.
Bikini Has Built-In Warning
For Wearers: It's Time to
Get Out of the Sun

And for older customers: It's time to start wearing a one-piece.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Write Your Own News Story
Just fill in the blanks in this reusable News Template!


There was more violence in the Middle East today, as________ fighters struck back in _____, in what was widely seen as a retaliation for the raid on nearby _____ two days earlier, during which _____ forces claimed to have killed ___ members of the _____ militia, and an unknown number of civilians. A spokesman for the ____ Army said they regretted any loss of life in the civilian population, but such losses were unavoidable. The United States has been supportive of the latest _____ offensive, while deploring the high number of civilian casualties. "Unfortunately," said a top U.S. official who asked to remain anonymous due to the sensitivity of the subject, "it’s the only thing these people understand."
FEATURE
AT&T, Rolls-Royce, Lockheed Martin, Home Depot, Northrop Grumman and Wal-Mart are among the Fortune 500 companies that received $12 billion last year in contracts from which government agency?
A ) The Monopoly Division of the SEC.
B ) The Department of Large Business.
C ) The Multinational Corporation Agency.
D ) The Small Business Administration.
Hint: Federal law requires that 23% of all government contracts be awarded to small businesses.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Geese Blamed for Lake Tahoe Pollution
Penguins deny putting hole in ozone.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
This Year's Winner of Hemingway Look-Alike Contest Dead Ringer For Famous Author
And writes better.

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