Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – OCTOBER 16 - 22, 2006
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ENTERTAINMENT
Playboy Club Opens in Las Vegas
Bunnies, gambling, Vegas's most reliable oxygen tanks provide lure.
 
MEDIA
Katie Couric Asks Viewers For Signoff Suggestions
Most popular: “Good-night and good-bye.”
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Spending Up
More people buying rifles, building bomb shelters.
Army Pays Ad Agency $200 Million For New Slogan: “Army Strong”
Replaces “Army Smart.”
R.J. Reynolds to Halt Domestic Sales of Fruit- Flavored Cigarettes
Move won't effect Bubble Gum, Cotton Candy, other popular flavors.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Most CEO’s Spanked as Children
Today, most visit dominatrixes.
Study: Obesity Leads to Memory Loss
See a doctor if you keep forgetting where you put the doughnuts.
Doctors Urge More Playtime for Kids
Parents should force children to play more, better.
 
EDUCATION
Michigan Board of Ed. Backs
Evolution, Not Intelligent
Design, in Science Classes

Moves boldly into 19th century, passing Kansas.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Vocabulary Builders
diplomacy n. reward bestowed by one nation on another for being friendly or compliant, as in, “we don't like them, so we can't use ~”
ambassador n. diplomat with a violent or abusive temperament, as in, “just wait until our UN ~ catches one of 'em in a dark alley”

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